1. Eat dinner together at least three times a week
2. Go camping even if it is in the back yard
3. Have a game night once a week or movie night (or both)
4. Volunteer together
5. Read together without technology
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Top 5 activities to do with your kids this month
1. Eat dinner together at least three times a week 2. Go camping even if it is in the back yard 3. Have a game night once a week or movie night (or both) 4. Volunteer together 5. Read together without technology
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Have you wondered why people fall into the traditions of making New Years resolutions and then quickly seem to forget them? Or how they wait until January first to make a change for something that could start any time of the year?
These are all real questions that people have asked including myself at different times in my life. Here are some benefits and ideas to making a resolution. I am going to shift what you would call it though. This is not a resolution such as resolving the old with the new but rather a commitment to new goals you want to achieve. Benefits 1. These are short term goals that are attainable so that you can measurably see, touch, smell, hear success. 2. As you see yourself achieving things, your self-esteem will increase, you will feel more empowered to try new things and you will start to believe that you can in fact achieve you long term goals. 3. Setting goals will also help you clarify what is least important or what is not healthy in your life. 4. Setting a goal brings into focus what you value which may highlight the areas you need most work on. 5. It allows you to approach stress in a positive way rather than seeing life in ways that are unmanageable. Ideas 1. Most popular-Get into shape 2. Travel more 3. Spend quality time with the people you love 4. Manage debt or payoff debt 5. Change jobs 6. Start dating or stop dating 7. Work on communication/start counseling or education classes 8 Learn a new activity (dancing, painting, martial arts, sewing, musical instrument) 9. Do something out of your comfort zone (meet new people, go skydiving, skiing, public speaking) 10.Volunteer or retire 11. Start going to church Regardless of what you choose to do, it is something that will only help you excel and grow. The best part of it is you chose the goal and you will find success in because you tackled it. If you need support around it, form a New Year's Group that will help you challenge each other and support one another. I can't wait to hear what you have tried. I am located in San Diego but can offer you online counseling anywhere throughout the world as long as you reside in the State of California. Services can provide you with both short term and long term treatment just as you would receive in a face to face setting.
What are the benefits?
A brand new parenting class will be starting this August. You will learn all sorts of things about relationships with your kids. Even more than that, you will also learn about your relationship with yourself, your partner, your community and your past. I can't wait for you to be a part of it! Sign Ups are happening now. Go to the contact me page and shoot me an email if you are interested. I will send you the forms needed to get started. If at the end of the 10 week series, you need more support, we can work out a plan to ensure you get that. No one needs to parent alone.
What does it include: 10 week series 1.5 hours each class Homework in between classes Certificate of completion at the end What is expected of me: Openness Honesty Support for your group members Free of criticism Excitement about parenting What this isn't: A group focused on the court system A group focused on what is wrong with the other parent A group that is critical Relationships take a lot of work to be successful for the long term. Despite the feelings that a couple feels in the beginning, they are bound to face challenges along the way. These can be small day-to-day challenges or significant ones. Every day stressors take a toll on anyone and are often the major source of stress on any one person. Every day stressors can include debt, paying bills on time, job loss, or injured spouses or disabilities. As you can see, these tend to be financial stressors that carry the heaviest burden. There are other every day stressors though such as how much to see or talk to the in-laws, how to parent children, blended families, mental health or addiction issues, social issues, or intimacy barriers. As long as each partner is willing to address each of these in an open manner, than they are often manageable. If left unaddressed though, it can’t become something that places a family in jeopardy in the long run.
So what is the long term impact? Many people struggle with effective communication and is often a result of how they learned communication as a young child. This often results in becoming either passive aggressive or aggressive in their communication. Often one partner or both will feel unheard by their partners if the communication continued. This can result in a person withdrawing from the relationship if their needs go unnoticed. They may feel resentful or depressed. This can lead to infidelity, separation, divorce, or even chronic health issues. So where does this come from? In any relationship, each partner comes with their own set of suitcases. These suitcases hold history, emotions, insecurities, memories, coping styles and belief systems. When two people come together, often times they don’t take a look at the suitcases before agreeing to marry. The issues related to it often comes out over time and without warning. Relationship issues that aren’t dealt with before or as they arise will compile into insurmountable pressures later on. This can adversely affect family members such as children who will witness and repeat these coping skills. So what do we do about it? Individuals, couples and families have been going to counseling for quite some time. There is less of a stigma about asking for help than there once was. Couples will often seek counseling once the problems begin to interfere with their day-to-day living or one partner is ready to leave the relationship. The hope is that the counselor will resolve the issues. Sometimes counseling can be about getting out of the indecisiveness to stay or go. What counselors will not do is take sides, even if there is one partner who has stepped away from the relationship. A counselor will follow the lead of the couple to help develop goals they each want to set. For counseling to make a difference, each partner needs to commit to the process which includes taking personal responsibility for their part in the breakdown. When is counseling not a good fit? Any time there is abuse of any kind, couples work should not continue. In this case, a couple would be seen on an individual level for safety of each of the partners. At a later time, once issues that may have led to the abuse have dissipated, then couples counseling may but not always be considered. Forms of abuse may include but not limited to emotional, sexual, physical, or financial. Have you wondered why parenting a teenager is so different than parenting a toddler? Are they really quite that different or is it just how we see our children that has changed? When we are parents of toddlers, it is often easier to guide them to making the right choices or gain their help on tasks around the house. This is primarily because they are physically and emotionally reliant on us as their caregivers. So what changes?
As our children become teenagers, they naturally become more independent and interested in making their own decisions. We often have to allow them to learn from natural consequences and limit the amount of advice giving we once might have offered. This is a scary notion when our children are budding adults but still quite young and inexperienced. It is also scary because their consequences are much larger than they would have been as a toddler. Although they still rely on us for their physical needs such as meals and a roof over their head, they are less likely to rely on us for their emotional needs. This is completely normal for their development and our fear is also normal as a parent. So what are things you can do to keep your own sanity? 1. Allow your teens to make their own decisions, outside of life or death situations 2. Keep structure in your home (eating dinner together each night, curfews, family time) 3. Use two choices when appropriate so that you can feel good about either option they choose 4. Have your teens be involved in their community, either as a family or through a program so that they can keep perspective of the larger world around them 5. Develop some form of spirituality or religious practice 6. Develop or join a support group of other parents with children the same age 7. Journal: Writing down your experiences will allow you to notice when the problem might be them or the problem might be you. 8. Find hobbies outside of your teen so that you have independence outside of being their parent 9. Practice breathing a lot. the more we can be mindful and breath effectively, the less likely we will respond to our teens in an unhealthy manner 10.Find time each week to connect with your teen. It may not be something you are interested in but take interest in what they care about. 5 minutes of this each day will go a long way Have you ever wondered why the art of dating stops after getting married? Or do you wonder how to start dating again while in your marriage?
Here are some dating ideas to increase your love life. 1. Treasure Seeking: Shop at various thrift and antique stores together to find something unique 2. Appetizer Crawl: Try various restaurants in one evening. Start with an appetizer at one and end with a dessert at another one. 3. Movie: Instead of arguing over which movie to see, try closing your eyes and picking. Both of you need to agree to honor the choice and have fun no matter what decision is made. 4. Picnic: Pack a lunch and find a private place to have a picnic. 5. Rent alternative transportation: Rent a bike, boat, or a motorcycle to try something new. Then enjoy driving anywhere together. 6. Tour: Take a tour of the city, a ghost tour, dinner cruise, or a tour of a surrounding city you have never been. Pretend to be explorers as you might do when you were a kid. 7. Cooking: Find an unusual recipe and cook together. You could also sign up for a cooking class together. 8. Dress Up: Play dress up and go out on the town. 9. Spend a day at the beach flying a kite, throwing a Frisbee or building sand castles. 10.Game Night: Have a game night at the house. 11.Amusement Park: Try an amusement park where you go on every ride that would scare you. Challenge yourself. 12.Casino or Bingo night 13.Horseback riding 14.Movie Marathon at home 15.Wine Tasting 16.Horseback Riding 1. Counseling is not a sign of weakness. It actually shows strength to be open to exploring difficult places within yourself.
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Want to Be A Guest Blogger?Angela WarnekeLicensed Marriage and Family Therapist (#88167). I have been working with youth since 2006 in the role of parent educator, therapist, case manager and supervisor from programs involving youth. I have also worked with adults since 2006 through parenting, Child Welfare and Behavioral Health services. Archives
October 2019
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