I spoke early about the Power of Vulnerability. This was in the context of love and be open to fall. Breaking up is the same as falling in love. In order for you to heal, you must allow yourself to be vulnerable. Be honest with yourself when this occurs so that you can move through the emotions. We can't ignore them, we can't walk away from them, and we can't heal without them. Here are some tips that I have used and still use today to work through these incredibly painful times.
1. Eat Right: Why does nutrition matter when you heart is broken? Studies show that food and the chemicals in our brains interact throughout the day. If you are eating unhealthy food items to cope with your sadness, you are actually effecting your dopamine, norepinephrine and serotonin levels. This will lead to depressed mood, increase in anxiety and inability to concentrate.
2. Exercise: Alright, Alright! I have already pushed onto you the importance of eating right and now I am pushing exercise. I am certain that some of you may feel the last thing you want to do when you are feel depressed is work out. However, working out also helps hormones that produce an increase in serotonin which leads to increased mood. As you work out and your hormones take into effect, you will also have an increase in self-esteem for how your body will feel both internally and externally.
3. Write, Speak, Express: Whatever way you are able to express how you are feeling due to a break up, do it. If you like to write, sing it, yell it, cry it or act it out. It is better out of you than inside of you when it comes to our negative thinking patterns inside our head.
4. Have a strong support system: If you don't have it, get it. If you have it, use it. Be vulnerable here. Be authentic in what you feel and allow for others to help you put yourself back together. When we get dumped, we have a strong sense of rejection or overpowering loss of self-worth. Let your support systems tell you how great you are until you are able to see that again for yourself. You could also join a support group.
5. Gratitude: Spend time in gratitude. Even if you are going through a break up, there were likely things about the relationship that you loved. Spend time with this as a way of saying thank you internally for sharing a relationship with someone else. If it ended due to something truly painful, set aside that pain even if temporarily just to practice this. The art of gratitude is not easy but it will allow you to forgive and let go.
6. Sleep: Get enough of it. If you need to sleep more than usual, do that too for a couple of days. If excessive sleeping goes beyond that, it can enhance your depressed mood. Focus on a sleep routine to get you on track.
7. Find laughter and Enjoyment Again: This requires that you take a small step each day towards something healthy and positive. Break ups often leave us feeling frozen as though you are starting to put the pieces back together again but unsure where to go first. Start with getting outside, leaving your house, talking to someone in the grocery store check out line, volunteer, go to church, see a movie, spending time with friends, or focusing further on your career. These are only some examples but the key is to do something.
8. Above all else, have compassion for yourself. You can't move forward if you are beating yourself up. Reflect on what has happened but tell yourself through positive self talk that you are worth love, that you will find love again and that it ended because the other person was not the right fit.
Email me some ways in which you have gotten your life back on track after ending a relationship. I look forward to hearing from you.