So what can you do to heal, build confidence again all while going through pain? Doesn't sound pleasurable but is attainable.
1. Identify what caused you to lose faith in yourself. This could be one thing or a series of things.
2. Identify what tools you have used to heal before.
3. Identify your support systems that have where you can be honest and vulnerable with regarding what you are experiencing.
4. Write down all the painful things about the loss of your confidence so that you can get them out of your body, your head, and your heart. If they are swirling inside you, they will always sound bad.
5. Once they are on paper, identify what is false about what caused you to lose confidence by lining through them and rewriting it to what could be the actual truth.
6. Start to identify what makes you great. Remember, you won't believe these things in the moment because you are hurting but it is part of the exercise of healing.
7. Spend time doing this each time the hurt resurfaces. This could be hourly, daily, weekly. There is no right or wrong here. Feel what you feel.
8. Practice the art of forgiveness. This could be forgiving the one who left you behind, the one who contributed to your confidence loss, or the factors that have played out around you that led you to this moment.
Here is an example of how you could put it into practice:
1. I lost faith in myself because the one who I love the most, left me behind even though I know he loves me too.
2. I have healed before after losing confidence by faking happiness, diving into my work, writing, being around people who care about me even in my pain, being honest about my pain, being outside of my house doing things even if it isn't enjoyable, attending church for perspective, and nurturing myself even if I don't believe it.
3. My support systems are my friends (list out names here so you are specific), family (listing out specific people here too) and my church.
4. The pain regarding this loss is:
a. I will never be loved
b. I am being rejected because something is wrong with me
c. I deserve this, to live a life full of unhappiness
d. I am not pretty enough or fit enough
e I will be alone the rest of my life
f. As expected, I am never the one he would choose
5. Counteracting the painful and negative thinking:
a. There is someone out there who loves me enough to choose me every day
b. I am exactly who I am supposed to be, who God created me to be, and most people would be lucky to have me.
c. Life can be hard but there are so many happy moments in it. I need to focus on what is happy.
d. I can control my fitness. I am a beautiful person and I will put my energy into working out so I see how beautiful I am.
e I could be alone the rest of my life but I might not be either. Either way, I need to use myself in a way that gives to the world rather than expecting the world to give to me.
f. He is an idiot for passing me by as I am loyal, trustworthy, and just what he needs. If he cannot see that then this is a loss he will endure not me.
6. I am great because I love strongly, I am a great friend, I am full of laughter and joy, I am open to trying new things, I am fun, I am funny, I am beautiful, I am hard working, I am spiritual, and I am good.
As you can see the narrative from one to the next can be quite dramatic. One of the largest hurts a person can go through despite disasters in the world or even death is the loss of a loved one. This could be a friendship or a lover but society, regardless of race, gender or geographical location, identifies this as their primary pain; which is why I used it as an example. Keep things focused on "I" when writing things out so that healing happens directly with you rather than attempting to change the world around you. Write me if you need help working through your pain. You can call me to schedule time or email me directly at: firstname.lastname@example.org. I wish you well in your healing and rebuilding your confidence.